L’anorgasmie se définit comme l’absence d’orgasme ou la difficulté à l’atteindre. Actuellement, toutes les études suggèrent que l’orgasme est atteignable pour toutes les femmes, avec le temps, l’expérience et l’apprentissage.
Pourtant, chez les jeunes femmes (moins de 35 ans), l’anorgasmie primaire – soit l’absence ou la difficulté à avoir des orgasmes – serait plutôt liée à une mauvaise connaissance de soi, un manque de communication avec le/la partenaire, certaines maladresses du/des partenaires, un manque d’expérience ou encore une mauvaise éducation sexuelle.
L’anorgasmie secondaire, quant à elle, intervient alors que la vie sexuelle était auparavant normale. Elle survient très fréquemment lors d’évènements de vie difficiles, parfois du fait d’une mauvaise relation de couple.
Définition, causes et solutions face à l’anorgasmie : Mia fait le point.
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Pour tenter de définir un trouble de l’orgasme féminin, il faut prendre en compte un certain nombre de considérations : l’âge, le statut hormonal, la relation avec le partenaire, ainsi que la psychologie de la femme accompagnant ce type de trouble.
L’aspect important est de pouvoir distinguer un trouble de l’orgasme d’un trouble du désir, d’un trouble de l’excitation ou d’un problème lié à des douleurs.
Aujourd’hui, l’orgasme est défini comme « une sensation de plaisir intense provoquant un état de conscience modifié, accompagné de contractions des muscles à l’entrée du vagin qui amènent une sensation de bien-être ».
À l’inverse, on considère la présence d’un trouble de l’orgasme lorsque « malgré une excitation sexuelle importante, on note soit une absence d’orgasme, soit une intensité des sensations orgasmiques nettement diminuée, soit un orgasme nettement retardé, et ce quelque soit le type de stimulation ».
Enfin, la notion de souffrance subjective ou de difficultés interpersonnelles est un indicateur pour débuter une prise en charge médicale.
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Existe-t-il différents types d’anorgasmie ?
Les troubles de l’orgasme ont des origines multiples. Certains sont primaires, dès le début de la vie sexuelle, quand d’autres surviennent dans un second temps.
Ils peuvent être présents malgré toute forme de stimulation. Certaines femmes peuvent avoir des orgasmes pendant la pénétration, mais jamais lors des caresses clitoridiennes ; mais l’inverse est tout autant possible. Parfois, l’orgasme est seulement partiel…
Aussi, de nombreuses femmes n’ont pas d’orgasme lors de la pénétration, mais ont un orgasme facilement par la masturbation, et inversement.
Les troubles de l’orgasme peuvent donc être liés aux circonstances. Mais de manière générale, seulement 1 femme sur 4 arrive à avoir un orgasme systématiquement lors de la pénétration.
L’orgasme féminin est donc difficile à cerner et ne se produit pas tout le temps de la même façon. Il ne répond pas particulièrement à une règle logique.
C’est sans doute pourquoi, même aujourd’hui, l’origine des différents orgasmes féminins n’est pas encore bien comprise, tout comme l’existence d’un possible point G ou de l’éjaculation féminine.
Alors que l’orgasme masculin semble poser peu de difficultés dans sa compréhension.
Quelles sont les causes de l’anorgasmie féminine ?
Les facteurs psycho-émotionnels et psycho-affectifs sont souvent au premier plan, avec pour effet une absence de « lâcher prise ». En effet, sans abandon, il est impossible d’atteindre l’orgasme, au sommet de l’excitation.
Anorgasmie et troubles de l’humeur
L’anxiété et la dépression sont des facteurs récurrents d’un trouble de l’orgasme. Notamment pour les troubles qui surviennent secondairement. Mais plus largement, l’absence de « lâcher prise » et d’abandon répondent à des problématiques psychologiques et émotionnelles plus complexes.
La peur de l’attachement impliquée dans l’anorgasmie
Cette peur peut prendre plusieurs formes. Par exemple, la peur de perdre son indépendance ou la crainte de l’abandon se retrouve souvent chez des femmes ayant traversé des situations personnelles d’attachement difficiles, mais également des relations trop fusionnelles avec les parents, en particulier la mère.
Une relation de puissance ou un sentiment de culpabilité
Une relation de domination dans le couple peut conduire le partenaire qui subit à des difficultés à « lâcher prise » ou à s’abandonner sexuellement. Les facteurs émotionnels d’engagement ou de désengagement dans la relation sont en effet souvent en lien avec des difficultés sexuelles dans le couple.
Aussi, se sentir coupable dans sa relation peut entraver la détente et l’accès au plaisir, en perturbant les émotions. On cherche à tout contrôler sur soi-même et son entourage, s’interdisant l’abandon du corps. La présence de tabous religieux ou sociétaux peuvent également favoriser les fausses croyances ou les préjugés.
Une information sexuelle erronée ou insuffisante
Des normes médiatiques culpabilisantes ou une information sur la sexualité insuffisante, peuvent peuvent être à l’origine d’une préoccupation excessive sur l’absence d’orgasme. Cela a pour effet de renforcer les difficultés à en obtenir.
Les contraintes morales ou religieuses sont aussi très présentes, participant souvent à désinformer la sexualité ou en donner une image dégradante pour les femmes.
Si dans le passé la culture occidentale pouvait culpabiliser la sexualité et le plaisir, elle en fait aujourd’hui une étape obligatoire dans la vie d’une femme déjà confrontée à différents rôles compliqués à assumer (sur le plan professionnel, familial, conjugal, physique, etc.).
L’orgasme devient donc une un repère normatif, mesurant le degré de réussite personnelle de la femme d’aujourd’hui, selon des préjugés véhiculés par la société.
Mais chaque femme vit son orgasme différemment, plus ou moins fort ; le meilleur indicateur, c’est de sentir les contractions au niveau du vagin et surtout de profiter du moment.
La recherche excessive d’orgasme : une cause d’anorgasmie
Parfois, à la place de profiter de l’instant présent, on peut avoir tendance à courir après l’orgasme (la fameuse “course à l’orgasme”). Seulement, contrairement à d’autres situations, quand on cherche, on ne le trouve pas forcément ; et on peut même atteindre un sentiment de découragement.
Là aussi, il est difficile de s’abandonner ou de « lâcher prise » lorsqu’on est anxieuse.
Mauvaise image de soi et anorgasmie
La relation entre une bonne image de soi et de son corps est aussi nécessaire dans la mécanique de l’orgasme. La capacité à atteindre l’orgasme est en effet corrélée avec la capacité à s’abandonner et à avoir du plaisir avec un partenaire.
Il est important de se sentir bien et de ne pas se mettre la pression : plus je me connais, plus j’ai de chances de prendre du plaisir ; et bien sûr, le partenaire doit être attentif aussi à l’autre.
La communication est donc un facteur essentielle dans la sexualité du couple.
L’influence des violences sexuelles
Il est prouvé que les femmes victimes d’abus sexuels sont particulièrement touchées par les troubles sexuels, dont l’anorgasmie, les troubles du désir ou les dyspareunies.
L’apprentissage de la sexualité
Il semble qu’avec le temps, la fréquence des troubles de l’orgasme diminue. L’orgasme serait en fait une potentialité qu’une femme pourrait développer avec le temps, l’expérience et l’apprentissage.
Les troubles de l’orgasme sont en effet souvent en lien avec l’inexpérience, les peurs, mais aussi avec les maladresses du/des partenaires.
Pour la plupart des femmes, l’expérience de l’orgasme est davantage un apprentissage qu’une révélation : cette expérience n’est donc pas tout le temps innée ou spontanée.
L’influence de l’expérience émotionnelle
La capacité d’une femme à atteindre l’orgasme est liée à sa propre perception de la sexualité, du plaisir ou de la détente, mais également dépendante de son histoire personnelle et de son expérience affective.
La qualité des relations sexuelles avec le ou les différents partenaires participe aussi à favoriser ou non l’accès à l’orgasme. Enfin, l’ocytocine (hormone dite du “plaisir”) semble jouer un rôle important dans l’orgasme féminin.
Nous savons qu’elle est libérée en grande quantité pendant l’orgasme et qu’elle influencerait aussi l’intensité de l’orgasme.
En effet, cette hormone est sécrétée lors des caresses, des massages ou lors d’un baiser, avec les pensées amoureuses ou encore le son de la voix de son amoureux. Son rôle dans l’attachement est important. Par exemple, un orgasme obtenu lors d’un partage émotionnel avec un partenaire est souvent plus satisfaisant.
La satisfaction sexuelle dépend donc beaucoup de la qualité relationnelle et affective d’une relation, même si une femme est capable d’avoir un orgasme avec un parfait inconnu.
L’influence de la relation de couple et le rôle du ou de la partenaire
Des conflits conjugaux et une mauvaise communication peuvent être responsables des troubles de l’orgasme secondaires, tout comme le partenaire peut déclencher ou maintenir un trouble de l’orgasme.
Des partenaires peuvent parfois être maladroits ou hésitants par un manque de connaissance de l’autre. S’ils souffrent eux-mêmes de troubles sexuels, il est vite compliqué de se concentrer et de lâcher prise suffisamment pour donner du plaisir à l’autre.
Mais d’autres cas de figure sont nombreux. Parfois, le partenaire veut trop bien faire et stimule trop longuement sa partenaire ; avec la volonté de la faire jouir à tout prix – au détriment de la spontanéité.
Cette angoisse liée au fait de satisfaire sa partenaire peut même finir par stresser la principale concernée et gêner encore plus l’accès au plaisir et l’orgasme, en favorisant le découragement et un sentiment d’anormalité.
Toutefois, l’orgasme féminin apparaît encore plus compliqué car il ne semble pas toujours en lien avec la satisfaction sexuelle.
Des femmes sont parfois satisfaites sexuellement, sans orgasme, lorsque l’orgasme n’augmente pas nécessairement la satisfaction sexuelle ; autrement dit, on peut prendre du plaisir et avoir un orgasme, mais il n’est pas obligatoire d’avoir un orgasme pour être satisfait sexuellement !
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Quelles sont les causes organiques de l’anorgasmie ?
Parmi les facteurs organiques ( relatif aux organes, aux tissus vivants, aux êtres organisés) pouvant causer des troubles sexuels, nous pouvons citer :
- Les maladies chroniques : diabète, hypertension artérielle, etc.
- Les suites d’un cancer ;
- Des opérations chirurgicales ;
- Des maladies rhumatismales ;
- Une fatigue psychologique ;
- Le burn-out ;
- L’obésité ;
- Ou encore les douleurs chroniques
Tous ces facteurs peuvent interférer avec l’axe neurophysiologique du plaisir, le seuil de déclenchement de l’excitation et de l’orgasme, et provoquer des troubles du désir ou des troubles de la perception d’excitation.
Quelles solutions face à l’anorgasmie ?
Une meilleure information en sexualité est souvent suffisante pour venir à bout de l’anorgasmie primaire. Cette information aura pour objectif de dédramatiser la situation, d’apprendre à mieux se connaître et son/sa partenaire et déconstruire les modèles véhiculés au sein de la société, de ses conversations, sa culture et ses médias.
L’explication doit par ailleurs insister sur l’importance de l’apprentissage et de l’entraînement à l’orgasme. Et rappeler que les troubles de l’orgasme sont fréquents chez la femme.
Si l’orgasme vient facilement à l’homme, les femmes peuvent aussi apprendre à être actives de leur propre plaisir.
L’apprentissage de l’orgasme
C’est une étape essentielle pour atteindre l’orgasme ; l’usage de vibromasseurs ou de stimulateurs de clitoris (de type Womanizer, Satisfyer, etc.) de sex-toys (à utiliser seule ou en couple) est souvent recommandé pour découvrir son plaisir, à utiliser seule ou en couple.
Attention cependant : ils peuvent faciliter l’accès à l’orgasme mais présentent parfois l’inconvénient d’habituer les femmes a des niveaux de stimulation trop élevés, éloignés de ce qu’est la réalité. Enfin, des kinésithérapeutes peuvent recommander des exercices afin de se muscler le périnée, une partie du corps souvent ignorée et responsable d’un certain nombre de sensations.
Il ne faut pas non plus hésiter à en parler librement avec des personnes avec qui l’on se sent en confiance afin d’échanger sur les expériences, apprendre des autres etc.
La prise en charge psychosexuelle
La prise en charge de l’anorgasmie repose essentiellement sur la combinaison psychothérapie/sexothérapie. Ces thérapies permettent d’établir un changement durable au niveau de l’apprentissage progressif d’une sexualité différente, et des pensées qui l’accompagnent.
Parmi les différentes approches, nous retrouvons :
- Une correction des mécanismes psychologiques et des comportements : il est possible de vaincre le découragement ou l’impatience, grâce à l’information et l’apprentissage d’une nouvelle logique de la sexualité. L’exploration du corps permettra aussi de se familiariser avec son plaisir et se l’approprier progressivement.
- Une aide psychologique pour gérer ses émotions : apaisement des peurs, mise à distance de l’idée de performance, d’obligation de réussite ou de « course à l’orgasme », gestion de l’anxiété, etc.
- Un travail sur les sensations : avec pour but de trouver (ou retrouver) du plaisir et des sensations, de se laisser aller, d’aller vers son plaisir… En lien parfois avec des exercices de relaxation, de sophrologie ou de thérapies corporelles.
- Une thérapie psychologique en cas de dépression, d’anxiété, de sentiment de culpabilité ou de pensées négatives sur la sexualité et/ou les hommes et la masculinité.
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Ce qu’il faut retenir
Si une femme sur quatre souffre d’un trouble de l’orgasme, cette fréquence diminue cependant avec l’âge. Notamment grâce à un meilleur apprentissage de la sexualité.
L’anorgasmie dépend souvent des circonstances et de certaines formes de stimulation ou encore de certains/certaines partenaires. Par ailleurs, les troubles de l’orgasme peuvent varier avec le temps, les périodes de la vie ou certaines tranches d’âge.
Enfin l’orgasme féminin semble extrêmement dépendant des émotions, des représentations de la sexualité, des motivations, de l’implication affective, et de l’attachement relationnel en lien avec la sécrétion d’ocytocine.
Ce qu’il faut retenir :
- L’anorgasmie peut être primaire ou secondaire, partielle, circonstancielle…
- Les facteurs psycho-émotionnels et psycho-affectifs sont importants dans l’absence de lâcher prise ;
- L’orgasme peut-être davantage influencé par l’aspect relationnel et subjectif de la femme, que par les stimulations génitales directes ;
- L’information sur la sexualité est primordiale et suffit généralement à résoudre l’anorgasmie primaire ;
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